promise is to be fulfilled

it's half an hour (twenty-nine minutes to be exact) to twelve, so i thought i should blog another entry before the day passes by.

does anyone know what is memorable about memorial day? i mean, in the netherlands they also have this monday as a holiday, but it's because of pentacost, not memorial day. if you know what memorial day is commemorating, let me know. all i know is that even japan has its memorial day. it's may 3rd, and it successfully made my whole apartment confused because when we looked at the calendar it says MAY 3: memorial day. what we didnt notice was a little printing next to it in parentheses that spells "JAPAN."

i just wasted $40 this weekend. twenty for friday night and another twenty for sunday night and monday afternoon. i really need to start saving money especially since i have to start paying apartment rent. oh, and books. crap.

summer is coming, and despite my loathe for heat, i'm looking forward to it. at least i don't have to study anything. well, that's not true either. summer school starts june 28th, but who gives a crap about philosophy classes. i can BS and argue that it makes sense because i said so. oh, that and GRE. i really need to get my ass going.

there will be love there by brilliant green is a good song. and the guitar part is really cool.
listen to it, i bet you'll love it too. there's something about not completely knowing what the singer is saying that's just so..... exotic. i guess that's why i love japanese songs. not all, some are pretty crappy, but some do have good ones that just suit my taste of music. i'll share some brilliant green stuff later on some other posts.

is it bad to not be able to get someone off my mind? this doesn't happen before i actually got together with ai-chan, but now it seems like she's in everything i see, or think about. even in the angular momentum vector of the helium atom electrons, and dante's purgatorio. kristin said i'm just a "tad infatuated," but infatuation is bad, isn't it? but whatever, being with her makes me happy, so that's all that matters. i feel like sanji when nami said his paille was delicious:



yes, i can really die happy =)

doubt holds no certainty

and it's getting to be a nuisance, especially as finals week is closing in.

anyone knows a good formula to get rid of doubt, let me know. i need it before things get even worse.

pentacost

three-day weekend is nice. what isn't nice is that they purposely put it a week before finals. now i've lost all my motivation to study.

went to luong hai ky with aimee and had deep fried egg noodle with beef shrimp chicken pork and a bunch of vegetables. finally something good to eat today. other than the communion bread, i hadn't had anything to eat today.

that gets me thinking. is it bad to eat once a day? it's not like i'm dieting or something. i'm just too lazy to buy cafetaria food because they just suck. and sometimes i forget to eat.

finished cleaning up and putting words into the 2nd comic strip. now math homework awaits.

hummingbirds in a garden full of flowers

finally finished all kinds of apartment crap today. hope no other crap would follow. stupid crap.

new address next year, starting fall:
7405 Charmant Dr. #1907
San Diego, CA 92122

some people were actually eager to see my second comic strip. well, actually there's only one: tiffany. but at least i know i've got someone paying attention to what i'm doing. and thanks to people like tiffany, i'm obliged to finish up the second strip, which is why i was scribbling graphites on two pieces of paper until six am this morning. now the second comic strip drawings are done. all that's left is scanning in, cleaning up, and edit the words in. it should be up not long after aimee came back from whatever she's doing.

i had an interesting conversation with aimee couple of nights ago in the batcave.

aimee: a boyfriend is a lot of time. it's like a two-unit class.
me: dude, don't complain. a girlfriend is like six units.
aimee: oh psh. what do YOU know. yours isn't even in the country. that's like ONE unit.
me: .....
me: yah, that's true.

but i'm telling you, that ONE unit, is at the TOP of my priority list. =)
TOP.

ever since i've got a girlfriend, some friends have wondered how an intercontinental relationship would actually work, especially when there is no certainty about when she and i are gonna see each other again. one of the questions i encountered was: how is it different from the relationship before, since we don't get to do more physically intimate things such as holding hands or kissing? well, the answer is, i don't know. honestly, i don't see any difference in our relationship right now, in comparison to that before. we talk on the phone, enjoy the conversation, share laughter, make fun of each other, blah blah, basically things that we've done even before we're in an official romance relationship. that makes it seem like it's fake, doesn't it?

here's how i think of it. physical intimacy is important, but it's not something that's required such that a relationship won't work unless it is fulfilled; mental intimacy is much more important than that. tell me which one is better: being able to touch and caress each other but never feel loved by the other person, or feeling loved by the other person even though you never get to touch and caress each other? don't get greedy now, pick one of the two. of course it is better if both coexist, i do not deny that. but if the given circumstances make it impossible and i have to choose, i'll settle for the latter over the former. if i feel like i'm being given reciprocative love via phone conversation more than face-to-face conversation, of course i will pick the phone.

some also asked why i don't just look for a girlfriend on campus, that way i get both physical and mental intimacy and the relationship will go much easier. physical, maybe. but mental? i don't know about that. i receive more of everything when i spend two or three hours a week on the phone with ai-chan than couple hours everyday with any girl i've known so far. more love, more care, more comfort, more laughter, more attention, more good advices, more satisfication and peace of mind, more chance to better understand myself. you might encounter a time when you were walking around with me and i suddenly went, "damn, that girl is cute." it's a compliment, but that does not necessarily mean then i want to go after her and make her my girlfriend. it's not easy for me to fall for someone; i need some time to know the person before i would actually go for her. maybe a couple of months, maybe a couple of years. and i also want that person to know me as well, not just on the surface, but all the way down to the inside.

i can declare that no one in this world knows me better than my parents and ai-chan. sometimes probably even ai-chan knows more about me than my parents. but most importantly, she is probably the only person who has seen all the changes i've gone through since i was just an annoyingly arrogant little brat back in 8th grade, until i become this perverted mad-blogging procrastinating one piece addict, and always accepts me for who i am. thank you for that. =)

ultimately, i'm keeping in mind that if this relationship made it through this whole sea of uncertainties, then it'll come out having a strong foundation, which i hope will last forever. =)

i love you.

rose, over here

rose found mraz's "it takes" that i posted in one of my entry from google, and she asked me whether i have the other two songs that went along with "it takes".

well, i do have them, but apparently there's some html error when i sent her the link to my host via email.

so in order to avoid that, maybe it's best if i just share it here. this way you foolios can download it as well. =)

__ plane goes down
__ she's mine

enjoy, peeps.

here's to the past

remember those funny pictures you used to get either from forwarded emails or aim profile links?

let's recap.



















think nico robin. now think fractals.



no wonder sam likes beer so much.



here's something that would soothe your heart.
poor kaeru-san.




and, ha ha ha.
this guy is so looking for trouble. i can't believe he's got the guts.
kevin would love this one.

after 43 hours of sleeplessness

my back is all numb. wow.

spent another hour on the phone with ai-chan. good times =)

pikopiko hammer is addicting. haha wei's a genius, i got only up to 3510.

i think it's about time i sleep. i need to dream, it's been awhile since i last dream.

loose ends on a string

aimee and i had our nerd night. tara came over for a bit but then she had to go pick up meg from work. basically we finished "brian greene's the elegant universe" that took three hours and concluded that the elegant universe would be much more elegant if brian greene weren't in it.

string theory is definitely interesting, but after that and sharma's last lecture today, i'm now back to square one. no, not even, square zero.
i still cant decide whether i wanna do experimental or theoretical physics. based on 2cl lab last quarter, i told myself that i shall avoid experimental as much as i can because labs are horrible, but then i realized that it's just because 2cl lab is stupid and pointless. 2dl lab this quarter is way much better; i'm actually learning something from the lab, and i actually look forward into going to lab. so i guess i don't quite mind experimental anymore. sharma showed us a bit of what he's doing at CERN and SLAC and those were so damn cool; made me feel like i wanna go to experimental. but then there's theoretical. i think it's cool to theoretize stuff, but it seems like i wouldn't get a grasp of how theoretical physics would feel like since the theorists here want students to have prior knowledge of bunch of stuff before doing 199 with them. that means i won't get to know how theoretizing actually feels like until senior year, or graduate school, and by that time it would be too late. however, the string theory dvd today that i spent three hours watching was great. i understand more of what string theory actually is. not yet the horrendous mathematical part of it, but at least physically i know what it is and it's really interesting. the math part will be covered by dr. brian wecht next week.

so i'm either gonna be spending the rest of my life hunting particles, or doing math to unify general relativity with electroweak force and strong force.

i can't get this thing off my mind, so before i go crazy due to 40 hours without sleep, let me spit it out. M-THEORY string theory is so far the only most consistent theory that unifies all 4 forces that makes up the universe, but it's only consistent in 11 dimensions. however, brian's thesis defense yesterday proposes that using monodrofolds that he and his colleague invented, they managed to bring the 10 dimensional string theory into 4 dimensions and still have it consistent. i don't know how much this monodrofolds can handle the 11 dimensions, but brian was quite sure yesterday that this monodrofolds can also make the M-THEORY be consistent in 4 dimensions. but that's not the point. regardless of how they bring these theories down so that they'll be consistent in our four-dimensional world, what gets me thinking is the idea that we're made of ENERGY. pure energy in form of a string that vibrates randomly; and the frequency and shape of the vibration determines what particle it forms.

i don't know about you, but i think that is the craziest idea that i would agree on.

i have been thinking to myself a couple of times. this whole physics thing seems like a path to bring us closer to god. to understand how god created something out of nothing. and that gets me wondering again, is this wrong? is it wrong to be curious about what makes the universe? is it wrong to seek knowledge that only god himself possess? i don't remember where but i remember reading something about god being a pure energy, that god has no form, but god is simply pure energy. if that is true, and this whole string theory is also true, then everything makes sense and consistent, for god said that he created us human from his own image. if god is pure energy, then of course we are of his image, because string theory says that particles in our body is made by strings of pure energy. and it's again consistent in the end, because when you die, your soul leaves you to go to heaven, or hell, or purgatory, but whatever happens, you "return" to your creator, which is god. and that totally makes sense, because in a sense it's like your body disintegrate into strings of energy that joins a bigger collection of pure energy.

science and religion. interesting. that reminds me of this book by dan brown: angels and demons. if you have time, read it; it has excellent insights on religion and science.

monty informed me that a hen can be useful in some way.

5 cups of coffee and 40 hours without sleep. i can still function, except when i saw programming homework for this week and decided within 2 seconds that it's not worth the thinking so i just skipped it.

grinstein finally replied my email. i'll be seeing him this wednesday. hope i get to do 199 with him. if all else fails then i'll try branson. too bad sharma's going to be in europe a lot next fall. =(

people who have seen ai-chan's picture said she's really pretty, or she's cute, or both. i guess i'm very blessed to be with someone lovely in both the outside and inside. =)

poor fred

haha finally something not quite so shoujo from megatokyo.

another all-nighter filled with distraction

i still can't get over the pictures ai-chan sent me. so lovely i have to sacrifice my habit of always having all the windows maximized, especially when i'm working on something.

so for the first time ever in my life, i'm typing my hum essay that's due in nine hours in a windowed mode ms word.



and who would wonder if it took me eight hours to write two paragraphs?

841 Amplitude Modulation

no, that's NOT what AM stands for. amplitude modulation is the AM in radio stations, not AM as in eight fourty one a m. i wonder what that other AM is for. after morning? absolute mockery? advanced monkeys?

i got an email from ai-chan this morning, WITH PICTURES. haha, i wish you all can see how much of a goddess she is. the cute side of the goddess though, not the bitchy side; i still can't get over juno. thanks for the pictures. and despite what you said about your hair looks messed up because you didn't let it dry before you went to bed, they still look lovely on you. ;)

yesterday was my last day TA-ing for physics 1C, and i was hoping to get some weird evaluation unlike the typical ones i got from my tuesday sections. well, my wish was granted. one evaluation said that i "was the 'best' TA,... with INFECTIOUS charm, DRY wit, and DEVILISH good looks." wow. i'm full of oxymorons? and then this one girl in my section came to an earlier one because she has things to do during that time, but she came over at the beginning to say hi and fill in another evaluation for me.
my wish WAS granted =P

today will be my first time watching thesis defense. it should be great seeing your TA getting grilled by 6 of UCSD's top faculties in physics. well, 5 in physics, 1 in math. come watch:

Mr. Brian Wecht (soon to be Dr.)
Thursday, May 27, 2004
10:00 am
5301 Mayer Hall
"Topics in String Theory and Supersymmetry: a-maximization, Nongeometric Compactifications, and Tachyon Cosmology"

hmm, this ought to be fun. and i will get to be one of the few people who get to congratulate him first after he gets his doctorate degree.

three standard deviations

just now, before i took off to the dreamland, sam and i had an interesting conversation:

me: if you get a gf this summer, that means kevin sucks.
sam: yeah, but the chance of that happening is less than 0.05 percent though.
me: that's ok, that's like what, 3 standard deviations? (obviously not counting right, it's actually 4)
sam: yeah, that's true, it happens all the time. i get 3 standard deviations in all my labs.
me: yeah, me too. i mean, what else can you expect with all the old equipments around here?
sam: hey, my equipment is 3 standard deviations away from the average...
me: ....
sam: yeah...
me: wow, that small?
sam: dammit.

i softly pour my gloom and regrets into the clouds

i always took the easy way
just sit around and say complaints
it's now time to say goodbye
ukabiagaru koukai o tsukimatou yuuutsu o
[i softly pour my gloom]
sotto kumo ni nagashite
[and regrets into the clouds]

i will find the answer in my heart so...
ikutsu mo no sekai ga kowarete mo
[no matter how many worlds break]
hatenai akogare ga kono mune ni furisosogu
[unfulfilled desires rain down into my heart]

"raining all day" going away
step out to be myself again
oikaketai it's an amazing day!
[i want to chase it, it's an amazing day!]
"raining all day" has gone away
ano natsu no you ni my dream...
[my dream, just like that one summer...]
soba ni ite mitsukeru kara
[be by my side, i'll find you]

tanchou na hizashi to tanchou na nami ni
[my wounds are healed by the]
kizu wa iete yuku
[dull sunshine and dull waves]

fukai kokyuu no naka de yagate ame ni natte
[in my deep breaths, it soon turns to rain]
umi ni tokeru kara
[and then melts into the sea]
koukai ga okubyou ni sugata o kaete iku iya na hi mo
[my regrets change shape and become fears; even on bad days]
kodoku ni tsukamaranai tsuyosa wasurenaide
[don't forget to be strong; don't get caught by loneliness]

"raining all day" nando mo
["raining all day" i was scared]
furikaeru yume o akirameru koto ga kowakatta
[to let go of my old dreams]
"raining all day" harenai yozora mo aru kedo
["raining all day" there are some cloudy nights, but]
little star... ki ga tsuite
[little star... I notice that]
rainy days never stays

"hurry now it's time to say goodbye, goodbye
sun is waiting for you to arrive, alive
hurry now it's time to say goodbye, goodbye
door is open for you to......"

"raining all day" going away
step out to be myself again
ima yasashii kaze o ukete
[i feel the kind wind]

"raining all day" has gone away
ano natsu ni nemuru my dream...
[my dream, that sleeps in that summer...]
kiss me once again
i'll find a better way

"raining all day" going away
can't wait to go and spread my wings
blowing a kiss to me, hello amazing day!
"raining all day" has gone away
sunshine of mine, just be with me
keeping my heart warm as today
rainy days never stays

RAINY DAYS NEVER STAYS
~ the brilliant green ~

self-esteem 101

i've recently noticed that girls do check out other girls and most of the times, the comments are "omg, she's so pretty" or "i was i can look like that." yes, these are obtained by random sampling done by my ears. in a more sophisticated term called 'eavesdropping.' but that's not my point. the point is, these girls are categorized as having low self-confidence.

now i don't mean to offend anyone who are already having too much confidence, nor do i want to talk about those who already have too much confidence in this entry. what i want to address is those of you who don't have much confidence on yourself.

you think your face has a bunch of pimples on it. you think your hair is messed up. you think your belly is too big. you think your boobs aren't proportional with your ass. you think your skin is oily. you think your teeth aren't white enough. you think your teeth are perfect enough so you need braces. you think you smell. you think you're short. you think you're too shy. you think you're dumber than other people in your class. you think your index finger is longer than your middle finger. you think your toes look ugly. you think your arms and legs are hairy. you think you have flat boobs. you think you have flat ass. you think you have huge ass. you think glasses don't make you look hot. you think you have too much passion for food. you think your handwriting isn't neat. you think your hair doesn't look good with its natural color. you think having calluses on your fingertip from playing guitar is nasty. you think your clothes don't match. you think you don't have enough shoes to match your mood. you think you don't have enough belts to match your mood. you think you don't have enough underwears to match your mood. you think your clothes aren't colorful enough to reflect your personality. you think the lady next door layered your hair wrong. you think short hair looks cute but now that you have it short you're embarassed of it. you think your cellphone looks ugly because it's too big. you think your keyboard and mouse don't match the color of your PC. you think nobody wants you and you're never gonna marry anyone because you don't already have a boyfriend at this moment. you think your homework looks shorter than anyone else's. you think your eyelashes aren't curly enough. you think your eyebrows are too thick, you think your lips aren't shiny enough. you think guys don't think you're hot. you think everyone else is prettier than you.

i timed myself to list the things above. it took about 3 minutes, less maybe, and i did not stop once to think what i was going to write next. if i want to, i can even keep the list going.

you are pretty, you are beautiful just the way you are. do not envy others for having nicer skin, whiter or tanner than yours, skinny waist, firm boobs, nice ass, lovely hair, cute smile, longer eyelashes, thicker or thinner lips. you are perfect the way you are.

most guys aren't superficial as to having his preferences for a girl fixed on certain things. prefer, yes. but that's flexible. well, except for sam, but sam is not most guys, and who within the range of sanity would put "not human - must be an alien" as a requirement? guys don't care if your skin is oily and you have to put make up to cover it up; they barely even notice the oil on your skin. guys don't care whether your teeth look messed up; they have their eyes fixed on your boobs, not your teeth. guys don't care if your clothes don't match; after an hour they would forget what kind of clothes you're wearing, let alone the color. guys don't care if you tie your hair up, or down, or whether your hair is short, or long.

take my words: instead of focusing on the perfection of your look, focus on personality. personality is what matters the most. if you're hot, pretty, perfect in all aspect but just simply bitchy, that's not good. if you're smart AND hot but you're cocky, that ain't gonna do you any good either. you don't need to look beautiful on the outside. but you do have to be beautiful in the inside. this is a cliche, but i'll say it again and reinforce the fact that it is a cliche: inner-beauty lasts forever, diamonds don't. [hidden message] de beers lied to you [/hidden message]. if you're beautiful in the inside, even guys like sam will melt. well, ok, maybe not sam, he's a bad example since he seems to have a fetish for a hot bitchy alien that is just beyond helpless. my point is, no matter how imperfect you think you are, if you have beautiful personality, you're as perfect as you can be.

polishing the outside cannot add more beauty to something that is already beautiful in itself.

to everyone who reads this entry, you are beautiful, regardless of what you think of yourself.
and to those who are my friends, you are all beautiful; perfection has no meaning without your existence.

and he blew back with his bugle of an ass-hole

on this old worn-out futon,
disguised in a dirty orange sheet
with stripes, red and purple,
is where i end up after
thirteen hours with eyes wide open,
trying to observe, and to learn
a thing or two from what these
naked eyes see of this wretched,
exhausting world.

a blank stare upon the ceiling;
light, illuminating --- neon and mercury;
excited states of gas molecules;
emission of photons onto mine eyes;
then the pilgrim comes approaching
with thirty-four canti,
sending my soul on a trip, filled with
sorrow, anguish, despair, and distress,
through the eight levels of hell.

then i heard a voice singing,
seems distant, but clear enough for me
to listen and comprehend
to digest and understand
'if i knew all the words,
i would write myself out of here;
if i was all the colors i would
paint you pretty in gold,
in a picture'

finished inferno, but towards the second half of the canti it's more like just skimming and reading the summary. footnotes from the book is interesting though. check this one out:
"tiresias was the famous soothsayer of thebes. according to ovid, tiresias with his rod once separated two serpents that were coupled together, whereupon he was transformed into a woman. seven years later he found the same two serpents, struck them again, and became a man once more. later jupiter and juno asked tiresias, who had the experience of belonging to both sexes, which sex enjoyed lovemaking more. when tiresias answered "woman," JUNO STRUCK HIM BLIND. however, jupiter in compensation gave him the gift of prophesy."

damn. juno IS one bitch filled with fury. take it easy, woman. don't go around unleashing your wrath that easily.

like jim said

random compliments are the best.

i checked out hana's blog, as well as other blogs that i link from mine, yesterday, and found out that she's got a new post, finally =P
towards the end of the post, i found this:
"go to one of my favorite blogs: e1n's blog! love to you, sorry I havn't commented lately e1n :'("
haha. it's kinda surprising to me that someone actually think this blog is interesting. i still think jim's blog has much more meaningful insights while mine is just ranting. daily ranting. that takes up much of my time. thanks hana, glad you enjoy my rant.

went to all my classes today, including math and physics lab lecture. didn't do much there except for more doodling. i really need to get my second comic strip started; it's just that now that the quarter is coming to an end, things get crazy. i had to skip doing some of my homework just because i've got no time for them. now i have hum paper due friday that i haven't even started on, and here i am blogging again.

on a side note, megatokyo's comic storyline is getting lame. they're not as funny as the early ones. i guess humor fades away. =/

dante is on tonight's menu because there's a quiz tomorrow. that book is so thick it's not even funny. i'll resort to sparknotes when i get desperate. oh, and i need a thesis for the paper too. hell week again, dejavu?

my hum TA sent a link to take dante's inferno test in preparation for dante discussion tomorrow. i'm not big on quizzes, but i wonder where i would end up in hell. so here's the result:

The Dante's Inferno Test has sent you to the First Level of Hell - Limbo!
Charon ushers you across the river Acheron, and you find yourself upon the brink of grief's abysmal valley. You are in Limbo, a place of sorrow without torment. You encounter a seven-walled castle, and within those walls you find rolling fresh meadows illuminated by the light of reason, whereabout many shades dwell. These are the virtuous pagans, the great philosophers and authors, unbaptised children, and others unfit to enter the kingdom of heaven. You share company with Caesar, Homer, Virgil, Socrates, and Aristotle. There is no punishment here, and the atmosphere is peaceful, yet sad.

hmm. that's great. i was being honest, too. i put yes on "do you look at pornography" and true on "pimp is a good thing to be" and some other ones i can't remember. it's still hell, not purgatory, but at least "there is no punishment" and caesar homer virgil socrates and aristotle is there. i can bash them or have some intelligent conversation with them, either way sounds good to me.

just checked the hit stats for this blog; it fluctuates more than an autonomous differential equation at its unstable points. one day it counts 40 page views and the next day there's 2. what disappoints me the most is that a bunch of random people found this blog by googling "nico robin hentai" which i'm not very happy about. she's a goddess, an elegant one. she does not deserve to be in any hentai doujinishi. although i do want to see what her and nami look like when they're naked. oda's drawing though. fanarts sucks. none of them can match oda's level.

how bout this for a down payment

193 is finally aired. i hate that sporting event in japan that's broadcasted everytime one piece airs. that means 194 won't be out until june 6th. boo to japanese sports.

i've lost motivation. math is getting so ridiculously incomprehensible that it's become completely useless and pointless to do. at first i see the relation to physics, but now it's just a pain. pain. pain. in addition to that, physics quiz is still haunting me in the back of my mind. i can't believe it. when i actually studied hard for 2 days in a row, i overslept for the quiz. i did not deserve that. =/

looking forward to the arrival of an email tomorrow. hope that will be a good one because i have to wake up early and i get grouchy when i don't get enough sleep.

the unfortunate and the careless

a bug just passed by my ear and landed on my desk. now it's circling around my coke bottle like it's somekind of a deity that needs to be worshipped. and now its crawling up my arm, down to the piece of paper i'm using to write my math homework. i wonder, is this bug not thinking that i can squish him anytime i want? has it no sense of fear? i mean, it HAS to have a sense of fear, right? otherwise it won't be able to avoid danger that lurks in nature. danger like me.

squish.

i just squished the bug with the piece of paper that has my math homework on it. now it has bug juice exactly where i want it to be. maybe i should turn this in to my TA tomorrow, circle the spot that has bug juice on it, draw an arrow and write down "squished bug, do not touch." wonder how she would react to it.

is it a sin? to kill such bug? if it is, and sinners will go to hell, then everyone in this world is already lined up on a nice pathway that leads straight to hell. i bet every single one of you who are currently wasting your time reading this has killed a bug, at least once. is it a forgivable sin? because bugs are less intelligent than us? because bugs aren't created "according to god's own image?" i don't think bugs would like to hear that. but then again, can bugs hear? can they feel? can they be mad that i'm talking shit about them like this? can they protest if humans decide that their existence is insignificant? why is the sky blue?

i remember having a discussion with aimee about bug-killing; she told me NOT to kill bugs because god created them. then we got into a discussion on whether bugs are useful or not. i said if it's not useful and only cause you harm, KILL IT. but she disagreed. i don't remember what we finally agreed upon that night, but believe she was thankful that i killed two or three cockroaches that were trying to take over the world.

my apology, unfortunate bugs.

kristin told me once that "average people marry the person they date during their sophomore year in college." well, i hope that statistics is correct, because now the average people category just got another person in it. =)

and then there's another statistics from kevin that says "70% of male population don't kiss their wives goodbye when they leave their houses, but 70% of male population kiss their house goodbye when they leave their wives."

and a personal favorite of mine is the one i see on a utility bill: "if you pay your bill, we will be delighted, but if you dont, you will be de-lighted."

treading the soft grass, wet from the morning dew

caught up on sleep last night. had 12 hours, but realized when i woke up that it was a waste of time. i could have used it for something else more productive.

aimee had trouble with her roommate, so i went over to keep her companied while she destressed herself by baking cookies. i guess there isn't much you can do if your roommate is just plain rude and inconsiderate, but looking at the bright side, the cookies made this world a much happier place.

i like walking on wet grass. not wet from the sprinklers that go off every night and for some reason always aim perfectly on people walking by instead of the grass, but wet from the morning dew. i'd like to think of it as a gift from heaven, a gift for those who like to wake up early in the morning, ready to face the world with one big smile, and never have fear of any obstacles or trouble that might be encountered that day. i'm not that kind of a person; i sleep late, i wake up late --- late as in sleeping at 4 and waking up at 11. that's why i feel delighted and grateful if i still get to see the leftover morning dew on the grassy field outside when i walk out of my apartment. it feels like god is being so kind as to letting a lazy person like me enjoy the gift that should belong only to those who are swift. and it also helps brighten my day when i actually have to wake up early for something that i don't feel like attending but is mandatory.

like the mandatory TA meeting on monday at 8.30AM in mayer hall, which is all the way across campus.

hope i get to see more morning dew on the grass; that'll brighten up my day a bit.

twenty for two

just depleted another $20. who would've thought that 2 hours pass by so quickly?

but that was a pleasant conversation, one which i haven't had in a while. =)

wish that could happen on a daily basis =/

good luck with the font assignment; be confident, you'll be fine.

now i can sleep to dream about you.

drifting back to a time gone by

i'm almost twenty. which means i've finished about a quarter of my life span, roughly approximated that is.
these past twenty years, i don't really remember what i've done. maybe i'll go look at old photo albums when i go back to the g-towne this summer.

i somehow feel the urge to stop moving, take a deep breath, and sit on my chair in this empty room, thinking about the past. people say, "forget the past, you can't change it." but i don't want to change it. past was good. i think i have forgotten all the bad things that happened in the past, and all that's left is the good ones.

i found some pictures in my computer that's been sitting there since the day i got this computer





















and i found some pictures of my sister when she WAS cute

#define fun()

in regards to sungod tomorrow, people have been asking me whether i'm gonna go or not.

my answer is a constant no. and i have no intention to change it.

in reply to that, i get "why?" which i then replied with "why not?" that ultimately made people pissed, and i also get absurd replies such as "dude, you NEED to go have fun."

that brings up something that i feel like i need to declare to the world before i go to bed tonight or otherwise i won't be able to dream about a certain someone.

SUNGOD IS NOT FUN FOR ME.
one, i do not enjoy busta rhymes, goldfinger, or any other bands who are performing tomorrow.
two, i do not enjoy watching drunk people walking around and cause mess.
three, i do not enjoy the smell of weed that you can smell even from the mormon temple across the freeway.
four, i do not enjoy dancing.
five, i do not enjoy getting wasted.
six, i do not enjoy large crowd with people yelling and screaming.
seven, i do not think party that involves dancing and drinking is fun.
eight, i do not enjoy the fact that people use a traditional event like sungod as an excuse to have sex with a drunk girl who won't be able to remember anything the day after.
nine, i do not like the concept of getting wasted as an escape from schoolwork.

here's what i think is fun.
1. playing monkey soccer and streets 2 with jim and jason
2. hanging out with the girls at erc
3. having meaningless conversation with david and sam
4. blogging
5. spending my nighttime on the phone with ai-chan.
6. listening to songs in my computer
7. intriligating at the batcave
8. liquid nitrogen ice cream party
9. get together with fellow physics majors
10. walking home from physics problem session with nerd jokes here and there
11. wave function in transitional mode
12. seeing people actually leaving comment on my blog
13. trying to study physics while tara and aimee and valerie are talking about the proportionality of their boobs relative to their ass
14. sitting on a bench at the cove, staring at the ocean, playing a soothing song on my guitar
15. listening to lectures by happy physics professors
16. making fun of my sister
17. star wars knights of the old republic
18. heated argument with qin about chemists and physicists
19. math homework that takes up a whole day to figure out
20. passing knowledge to other people
21. sitting alone in my room with the lights off, playing guitar
22. one piece
23. eating chips
24. getting jason into trouble with tin
25. watching tin chasing jim around like a dog chasing its own tail
26. toilet paper fight
27. attracting fruitflies
28. mixing weird nasty stuff with david
29. staring at lava lamps
30. staring at my one piece figurines
31. drawing
32. driving at night, alone, windows down
33. watching good comedy
34. brian trying to catch broken pieces of chalk with his mouth
35. electrostatic lint on x-y graph recorders
36. getting a phonecall from ai-chan
37. listening to jason mraz while walking from class to class
38. eating
39. peaceful sunday masses with good songs
40. drizzle

i can go on if i want, but my point is: i see other things that i do daily as much more fun than a one-time event like sungod, which i won't enjoy. i don't need to go have fun. i HAVE BEEN having fun this whole time.

liquid nitrogen ice cream party

the society of physics students @ UCSD is having a liquid nitrogen ice cream party tomorrow at noon. WLH 2125.

this is in no way to go against sungod, but i still think home-made liquid nitrogen ice cream is still much better than getting wasted.

see what us physicists do, chemists. then you'll understand that we do lots of things more exciting than just synthesizing stuff. =)

i found out from my 2DL TA, mike, today that the students back in the mid 90s built a heat seeking missile here in ucsd, but never got the permission to launch it. i say we ransack mayer and urey and launch that missile in miramar, what say you? =D

remember, we've always got mexico as our last disposal. haha.

i'm feelin old

an email from my uncle informed me that i just got another nephew, born last night, and named steven.

so nephew count would be:
alicia
matthew
livya
nicholas
icha
leonardo
steven
that would make a total of 7 nephews, and that's not counting those i don't remember.

damn, i feel old.

a party of famous physicists

not mine; taken from the sps national website

---------------------------------------------

One day, all of the world's famous physicists decided to get together for a tea luncheon. Fortunately, the doorman was a grad student, and able to observe some of the guests...

• Everyone gravitated toward Newton, but he just kept moving around at a constant velocity and showed no reaction.

• Einstein thought it was a relatively good time.

• Coulomb got a real charge out of the whole thing.

• Cavendish wasn't invited, but he had the balls to show up anyway.

• Cauchy, being the only mathematician there, still managed to integrate well with everyone.

• Thompson enjoyed the plum pudding.

• Pauli came late, but was mostly excluded from things, so he split.

• Pascal was under too much pressure to enjoy himself.

• Ohm spent most of the time resisting Ampere's opinions on current events.

• Hamilton went to the buffet tables exactly once.

• Volt thought the social had a lot of potential.

• Hilbert was pretty spaced out for most of it.

• Heisenberg may or may not have been there.

• The Curies were there and just glowed the whole time.

• van der Waals forced himeself to mingle.

• Wien radiated a colourful personality.

• Millikan dropped his Italian oil dressing.

• de Broglie mostly just stood in the corner and waved.

• Hollerith liked the hole idea.

• Stefan and Boltzman got into some hot debates.

• Everyone was attracted to Tesla's magnetic personality.

• Compton was a little scatter-brained at times.

• Bohr ate too much and got atomic ache.

• Watt turned out to be a powerful speaker.

• Hertz went back to the buffet table several times a minute.

• Faraday had quite a capacity for food.

• Oppenheimer got bombed.

despair, a good depiction of

old chemists don't die

they just reach equilibrium, says a bumper sticker.

what about mean chemists?

Cuigy83 (11:55:27 PM): i hate physics!!
EinZTeiN o07 (11:55:40 PM): well, sorry, there's nothing i can do for you haters
EinZTeiN o07 (11:55:41 PM): :-P
Cuigy83 (11:57:02 PM): whatever
Cuigy83 (11:57:04 PM): you physics major
Cuigy83 (11:57:07 PM): should be
Cuigy83 (11:57:08 PM): shoot!
EinZTeiN o07 (11:57:30 PM): well, we love physics
EinZTeiN o07 (11:57:38 PM): if you wanna hate, that's your problem yo
EinZTeiN o07 (11:57:39 PM): :-P
Cuigy83 (11:57:51 PM): psh!
EinZTeiN o07 (11:57:54 PM): i hate chem, but i don't go around expressing my hate explicitly
EinZTeiN o07 (11:57:55 PM): :-P
Cuigy83 (11:57:56 PM): =-O
Cuigy83 (11:57:59 PM): :-P
EinZTeiN o07 (11:58:07 PM): wanna know the truth
EinZTeiN o07 (11:58:10 PM): i LOATHE chem
EinZTeiN o07 (11:58:19 PM): chem doesn't make sense
Cuigy83 (11:58:21 PM): yeah well the feeling is mutual for physics
EinZTeiN o07 (11:58:25 PM): it's a piece of crap
EinZTeiN o07 (11:58:29 PM): >:o>:o>:o>:o>:o>:o>:o
Cuigy83 (11:58:35 PM): you are a piece of crap!!!
EinZTeiN o07 (11:58:46 PM): oh i see
EinZTeiN o07 (11:58:51 PM): now you're getting on to ME huh?
EinZTeiN o07 (11:58:57 PM): i was talking about CHEM
EinZTeiN o07 (11:58:58 PM): not YOU
Cuigy83 (11:59:01 PM): oh yeah you insult my major it's on boy
EinZTeiN o07 (11:59:01 PM): >:o>:o>:o>:o>:o>:o>:o>:o
EinZTeiN o07 (11:59:07 PM): ah , i see
EinZTeiN o07 (11:59:20 PM): so me putting up with your hating so far is completely pointless
EinZTeiN o07 (11:59:36 PM): so that's how it is eh
EinZTeiN o07 (11:59:39 PM): ok
EinZTeiN o07 (11:59:40 PM): bring it
Cuigy83 (11:59:44 PM): FINE
EinZTeiN o07 (11:59:44 PM): you CHEMISTS
Cuigy83 (11:59:51 PM): YOU PHYSISTS
EinZTeiN o07 (12:00:05 AM): YOU CANT EVEN SPELL IT
EinZTeiN o07 (12:00:09 AM): NYEH NYEH NYEH NYEH NYEH
Cuigy83 (12:00:29 AM): WHATEVER YOU GUYS DON'T EVEN DESERVE TO HAVE PEOPLE SPELL YOUR MAJOR RIGHT
Cuigy83 (12:00:37 AM): SO HA!
EinZTeiN o07 (12:00:46 AM): OH YEAH YEAH, RIGHT, BLAME YOUR INABILITY TO SPELL ON US
EinZTeiN o07 (12:00:48 AM): SUUUUUUUURE
EinZTeiN o07 (12:00:51 AM): VERY MATURE
Cuigy83 (12:01:02 AM): YES I KNOW I AM MATURE!
Cuigy83 (12:01:05 AM): :-P
EinZTeiN o07 (12:01:15 AM): THAT WAS SARCASM, YOU SENSELESS CHEMIST
Cuigy83 (12:01:55 AM): WELL YOU OBVIOUSLY AREN'T GOOD AT IT
EinZTeiN o07 (12:02:22 AM): OH, RIGHT... CHEMISTS RULE #1: BLAME PERSONAL INABILITIES ON OTHERS
Cuigy83 (12:02:31 AM): YOU GOT IT BABE
Cuigy83 (12:02:32 AM): WE RULE
Cuigy83 (12:02:35 AM): IT'S THE WAY IT IS!
Cuigy83 (12:02:38 AM): LIVE WITH IT!
EinZTeiN o07 (12:02:39 AM): RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT.........
EinZTeiN o07 (12:02:46 AM): SEE
EinZTeiN o07 (12:02:58 AM): WE PHYSICISTS DONT EVEN CARE ABOUT YOU RULING OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT
EinZTeiN o07 (12:03:04 AM): BECAUSE WE DONT HATE
EinZTeiN o07 (12:03:09 AM): UNLIKE YOU CHEMISTS
Cuigy83 (12:03:12 AM): RIGHT CAUSE YOU GUYS ARE JUST BORING!
Cuigy83 (12:03:18 AM): AND LIKE TO CONFUSE THE CRAP OUT OF PEOPLE
Cuigy83 (12:03:23 AM): CAUSE YOU GUYS HAVE NOTHING ELSE BETTER TO DO
Cuigy83 (12:03:29 AM): THEN TO DEFINE EVERY LITTLE THING
EinZTeiN o07 (12:03:31 AM): PHYSICISTS INVENT THE INTERNET, ONE THING THAT YOU CANT LIVE WITHOUT
EinZTeiN o07 (12:03:52 AM): YOU CHEMISTS JUST SIT ON YO LAZY ASS SYNTHESIZING CRAP
Cuigy83 (12:04:06 AM): IT'S ENGINEERS!
EinZTeiN o07 (12:04:13 AM): I SAID SYNTHESIZING
EinZTeiN o07 (12:04:15 AM): NOT BUILDING
EinZTeiN o07 (12:04:23 AM): OH YEA, I FORGOT
EinZTeiN o07 (12:04:30 AM): CHEMISTS DONT KNOW THE DIFFERENCES
Cuigy83 (12:05:57 AM): WE MAKE THE PILLS
Cuigy83 (12:05:59 AM): YOU TAKE
Cuigy83 (12:06:01 AM): WHEN YOU ARE SICK
Cuigy83 (12:06:06 AM): AND WE MAKE THE MEDICATION
Cuigy83 (12:06:13 AM): THAT PEOPLE TAKE
EinZTeiN o07 (12:06:20 AM): NAH, THOSE ARE PHARMACISTS
Cuigy83 (12:06:20 AM): I'M SORRY IF CHEMIST SAVES LIVES!
Cuigy83 (12:06:26 AM): THEY ARE CHEMIST!
EinZTeiN o07 (12:06:42 AM): NOW, DONT TRY TO HIDE YOUR LAZYASS BEHIND THOSE WHO ACTUALLY DO WORK
EinZTeiN o07 (12:06:47 AM): THAT AINT COOL YO
Cuigy83 (12:07:03 AM): YOU DORK.... PHARMACISTS TAKE SO MUCH CHEMISTRY
Cuigy83 (12:07:11 AM): READ THE MAJOR REQUIREMENT
EinZTeiN o07 (12:07:11 AM): BUT THEY'RE PHARMACISTS
Cuigy83 (12:07:12 AM): !
EinZTeiN o07 (12:07:13 AM): NOT CHEMISTS
EinZTeiN o07 (12:07:20 AM): THERE'S A DIFFERENCE
Cuigy83 (12:07:24 AM): NO THERE ISN'T!
EinZTeiN o07 (12:07:25 AM): OH RIGHT, I FORGOT AGAIN
EinZTeiN o07 (12:07:30 AM): CHEMISTS DONT KNOW THE DIFFERENCE
EinZTeiN o07 (12:07:35 AM): MY BAD
Cuigy83 (12:08:10 AM): WHATEVER... JUST BECAUSE WE ACTUALLY DO GOOD IN THE WORLD
Cuigy83 (12:08:12 AM): DON'T HATE
EinZTeiN o07 (12:08:28 AM): NO NO, YOU CHEMISTS DO NO GOOD
EinZTeiN o07 (12:08:30 AM): PHARMACISTS DO
EinZTeiN o07 (12:08:38 AM): AND YOU HATE FIRST
Cuigy83 (12:08:43 AM): IT'S THE SAME DAMN THING!!!!!
EinZTeiN o07 (12:08:47 AM): I'VE TOLD YOU BEFORE THAT PHYSICISTS DONT HATE
Cuigy83 (12:08:56 AM): CAUSE YOU HAVE NO EMOTIONS
EinZTeiN o07 (12:08:59 AM): Cuigy83 (11:55:27 PM): i hate physics!!
Cuigy83 (12:09:03 AM): YOU GUYS ARE APATHETIC TO EVERYTHING!
EinZTeiN o07 (12:09:03 AM): SURE WE DO
Cuigy83 (12:09:07 AM): YOU GUYS ARE
Cuigy83 (12:09:08 AM): B
Cuigy83 (12:09:08 AM): O
Cuigy83 (12:09:12 AM): R
Cuigy83 (12:09:14 AM): I
Cuigy83 (12:09:19 AM): N
Cuigy83 (12:09:22 AM): G
Cuigy83 (12:09:37 AM): OH THIS IS FUN
Cuigy83 (12:09:39 AM): OK BRB

a bright sun-shiny day

my dad arrived safely in jakarta this evening. i'm glad.

i got into the summer classes i need to take to get rid of hum. they're online classes, too.

an email came with an unexpected three-word sentence. that totally made my day. =D

despite all the crap i've been going through and all the work i have to do this week, looking on the bright side, things seem to be going well. so i have no reason to be unhappy.

cherish life.

reunion, unattended

my dad is flying home to indonesia today, so i won't get to see him for a couple of weeks. hope he gets there safely.

i have to say, i miss my relatives in indonesia. my dad has 3 brothers and a sister, and he's the youngest of all. i remember back in the old days when we used to have family reunion twice a year; those are the best days ever. i got to eat good food, make fun of my cousins, play NBA JAM in the old sega console, FIFA 97 in playstation, and many other things. among these, what makes the reunion much better is the fact that five siblings, each living in different cities, separated by hours of drives, get to see each other again, tell stories and jokes, and tease each other like back when they still live in the slum area of central java. muntilan, to be exact, but none of you knows that anyway. nothing made my ego happier than when i managed to turn an attempt by one of my uncles or aunts to ridicule me, back at them, and rendered them silent while everyone else was laughing at them. it's irresistable for an eleven-year old to play a game of wit with an adult.

this time they are planning on having another one of those reunions, and i'll be the only one left behind.

silence, please

silence is golden.

i respect silence. so i'll let the picture talk because each picture contains a thousand words.