happy father's day

late, but better than never.

if you haven't seen it coming, this entry will be dedicated to my father.

it's father's day today. but i have yet to do something for my dad. instead, he drove down with me to sandiego to keep me companied along the way because he knows i get sleepy on long drives. then he waited in the lobby for four hours while i was enjoying the concert. some father he is. some insolent child i was.

i hope my dad reads this entry. but then again, i doubt it. he does not even know this blog exists. and even if he does, he hardly understands english.

i was going to apologize to him because i feel really bad; it's father's day, yet i was the one having all the fun. but i have no courage to say it. none at all. it's not that because we're conservative asians and we don't show affections publicly, but because i know he's going to reply with "it's ok. father's day means nothing to me if YOU are not having fun." and that you refers to me. what a great father he is. what an asshole i was.

sometimes i don't understand why he persists on never letting me drive home from sandiego to losangeles by myself, because i'm almost twenty and i've been driving for over two years now. i feel like he's always treating me like a five-year old, and never trusts me with anything. sometimes i get angry, because i do not like being treated that way. i might not be completely mature yet, but i'm definitely more mature and more responsible than a five-year old. but come to think of it again, i have to admit, long drives do make me tired. i remember driving about fifty miles at seven in the morning, after having five hours of sleep the night before, and i remember falling asleep for a second every once in a while in the freeway while going sixty-five miles per hour. when i get angry at him, i don't remember these things, but now with a clear mind, i do. and i realize how stupid i am. it's not that he can't let me go. it's not that he thinks i'm irresponsible. it's not that i'm being treated like a five-year old. it's because he cares. it's because he wants to make sure with his own eyes that i get to my destination safely. it's because he wants to be there to help, if i ever get into an accident. it's because of his overwhelming love for me.

and how do i respond? i complain. i complain to everyone that my father is too overprotective. i complain that i don't get the freedom i get in sandiego when i'm home with him. i'm such an ungrateful child. i should be grateful that i have a father like him, not despise him for not letting me do what i want to do.

i'm sorry. thank you, dad.

thank you for raising me to be the person i am right now.
thank you for always caring about me even though i'm never thankful for it.
thank you for all the traits you've passed on to me, even though i have always told to you that i don't like those traits of yours.
thank you for accepting me the way i am, regardless of how far away i have deviated from how you want me to be.
thank you for always worrying about my safety.
thank you for always trying to be there whenever i need someone to be there.
thank you for putting me and the family on the top of your priority list.
thank you for always understanding my needs.
thank you for always being one step ahead in giving me what i need.
thank you for calling me up everyday to ask how i'm doing and to let me know that you care about me, even though i always reply with the usual sorry-dad-im-busy-studying.
thank you for putting up with all my attitudes.
thank you for disregarding the fact that i'm an insolent, ungrateful child.
thank you for loving me more than i deserve.

thank you, dad.

i hope i can be a better child by next father's day.

happy father's day, dad.