eyes wide open

warning: negative energy ahead.

i came to a conclusion that a toothache is not even half as bad as a heartache. well, maybe if it were all 32 teeth then, only then, could be as bad. but to generalize from that, physical pains are almost nothing if compared to emotional pain. physical scars are cool, especially if they're on your cheek and shaped like a cross, but emotional scars aren't. they hurt like a bitch, and the pain fades away longer than the halflife of a nuclear waste.

so it is normal for us to be aware, since we are all afraid of being emotionally hurt. i've heard sentences that justify such coming from people's mouth, even myself, but sometimes being emotionally hurt is just a recurring incident in life. it's inevitable. life would be boring without such pain. nonetheless, it's only normal to try to minimize such emotional pains to the least possible amount.

then to do this, you administer selective trust. you trust some people, you don't trust some people. you use your best judgment to classify them, but in the end you always have a list of people you trust and you don't.

what sucks is this: NO MATTER HOW SELECTIVE YOU ARE, THE PROBABILITY OF PEOPLE YOU TRUST GIVING YOU EMOTIONAL SCARS IS NOT ZERO. well, of course unless you trust NO ONE. that way you won't know anyone and no one can emotionally hurt you. hedgehog syndrome.

and what sucks even more is this: when people you trust hurt you, it hurts much much much more.

and when the people you have faith in and you least expect to do such hurtful things to you, actually hurts you, you wonder, who can you trust anymore? who can you believe in?

i don't think i'm capable of trusting anyone anymore. everyone's out to get me.

............

just saw the trailer of resident evil 2; i still believe that milla jovovich is the hottest girl i have ever seen alive on earth.

sam, we need to get four of those september-issue maxim. you'll be seeing one piece posters and milla jovovich up my walls starting september.