¿¿speak of the french??

a blind rabbit and a blind snake came across each other in the jungle. since they're both blind since they were born, they had no idea of what they are. so the snake said to the rabbit: "let me slither around you, that way i can tell you what you are." so the snake did and he said: "well, you're covered with soft fur; you have really long ears; your nose twitches; and you have a soft cottony tail. i'd say that you must be a rabbit." the rabbit was happy to know that what he actually is and wanted to repay the snake's kindness. the rabbit said: "let me feel you with my paw, that way i can tell you what you are." the snake agreed and the rabbit did so. after a while the rabbit said: "well, you're smooth and slippery, and you have a forked tongue, no backbone and no balls. i'd say you must be French".

"Going to war without France is like going duck hunting without your accordion." Donald Rumsfeld, U.S. Secretary of Defense

"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure." Jacques Chirac, President of France
"As far as France is concerned, you're right." Rush Limbaugh

"They've taken their own precautions against al-Qa'eda. To prepare for an attack, each Frenchman is urged to keep duct tape, a white flag, and a three-day supply of mistresses in the house." Argus Hamilton

Raise your right hand if you like the French ... raise both hands if you are French.

"You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates Americans, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He is French, people." Conan O'Brien

"I don't know why people are surprised the French don't want to help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn't help us get the Germans out of France." Jay Leno

"The last time the French ask for 'more proof' it came marching into Paris under a German flag." David Letterman

"Do you know how many Frenchmen it takes to defend Paris? It's not known, it's never been tried." Rep. R. Blount (MO)

A QUICK HISTORY LESSON ON THE FRENCH

Gallic Wars: Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian.

Hundred Years War: Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman."

Italian Wars: Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.

Wars of Religion: France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots

Thirty Years War: France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.

War of Revolution: Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.

War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War: Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.

War of the Spanish Succession: Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.

American Revolution: In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting."

French Revolution: Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.

The Napoleonic Wars: Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.

The Franco-Prussian War: Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.

World War I: Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.

World War II: Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.

War in Indochina: Lost. French forces plead sickness; take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu

Algerian Rebellion: Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.

War on Terrorism: France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's.

haha
poor french