day four

i need to start thinking of wittier titles.

currently sitting in panera, taking full and complete advantage of the free wireless, and enjoying a bowl of chicken noodle soup and a piece of french baguette.

i noticed that taking notes while stopping at traffic lights is the most effective way for me to remember what i intended to say in here. the only problem was that nature was always spying on me, and whenever i pulled out that sketchbook and mechanical pencil, the darn light turned green. a few traffic lights later i thought it was a brilliant idea to trick nature into giving me exactly what i wanted, so i kept doing that and the light was always green for me.

"there is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. there is another theory which states that this has already happened." ~douglas adams

he was right. eventually nature figured out what kind of trick i was trying to pull and then whenever i pulled out that sketchbook, random things happened; sometimes i had time to write, draw, sleep, and the light was still red, and sometimes it turned green even before i thought about getting the book. darn nature.

when driving a long distance, it is always a good idea to have a venti cup of coffee with you. even if caffeine does not work on you, at least the act of picking up the coffee cup and drinking it keeps you awake the entire time. this method, however, is similar to what a double-bladed sword has on its wielder; it is also destructive, especially to your bladder who makes a request every 30 minutes for you to exit and find the nearest fastfood restaurant's bathroom.

one time i stopped by an extremely gloomy city, had no idea what it's name. it was gloomy, and then misty, and then started drizzling, before eventually the rain just pissed down on me. this was all in the span of 10 minutes. i shall call that city "the damn gloomy city that pissed rain on me."

see, i think this whole raining thing is starbucks' fault. california used to be sunny, hence the name "sunny california," and then starbucks people thought it would be a great idea to expand their business, and decided to take over california, not realizing that they took half of seattle's rain down here with them. i don't blame nature for this one. i blame starbucks, though their peppermint mocha is damn good.

everytime i got on the wrong lane and was forced to do a maneuver that made me look like a complete jerk, i rolled down the window and muttered loudly, "i'm from LA," just for the hell of it. interestingly enough, some people gave an understanding nod. the rest who didn't nod, though, had the "that's what i thought when i looked at you" looks on their faces.

i got to davis after half an ultra large cup of jack in the box's coke, and thus the first thing that acted up was again the bladder, so i immediately parked and darted to the nearest bathroom. those of you who have been following this blog for quite awhile, or at least have paid attention to nature as much as i have, should have known what happened next. the bathroom was of course nowhere to be found. there are both good things and bad things about visiting a campus on a friday before christmas. the good thing was that there was no one around, allowing you to do just about whatever the hell you want. the bad thing was that there was no one around, so all the buildings were locked and you can't ask where the nearest bathroom was. after ten minutes of randomly running around like a southern californian idiot in shorts, flipflops, and long sleeved shirt, i saw a door that led to the ultimate relief. on it was a sign with three bold-faced letters: M, E and N. again, if you have been paying attention, you should have seen this coming.

it was locked.

i tried breaking in, but failed miserably. the door next to it, however, was not locked. on it was a sign with five bold-faced letters: W, O, M, E, and N. i've always lived by the naturally correct principle that human beings only see what they want to see, and only read what they want to read, so my eyes sent pulses to the brain that omitted the first two letters of the word, and the brain instantaneously ordered the hand to open the door and the legs to enter it quietly. about forty seconds later i walked out with a sigh of relief. thank you women, for your existence. if you had not existed, i would have had to pee in the nearest bush and risked having my penis get bitten off by a wandering UC davis cow.

i knew for a fact that sacramento was the state capital, but did not recall that fact until i saw the sign on freeway 80 that said "state capital freeway." a sad, sad person, i am.

twkoh