the lure of the darkside

maybe it's because i've been playing knights of the old republic too much, but i doubt it: i think the darkside is really taking over me, slowly. the anger, the violence, the hate, the fear; i can seriously feel them all, burning within me, patiently waiting for the right moment for a frustrated me to give up and unleash all the darkness within. at times i tried to recall the jedi code: there is no passion, there is peace; there is no ignorance, there is knowledge; there is no chaos, there is harmony; there is no death, there is the force. but these don't help; containing the darkness within is a task that i've never thought would be this hard. i need something to cool myself down. i can't let the darkside take over. i cannot give in to the darkside for it only brings destruction, and death. i picture what i will be like if i let the darkside take over, and it frightens me. it frightens me horribly. the thought of me losing control of myself and start punching someone's face over and over until blood gets spilled all over the carpet and a life lost, is just horribly frightening. unbearable, even. but that exact thought was precisely what went through my mind last night.

and the thought is coming back again. i fear i'm gonna snap and let the anger take over, but i have to resist. it's been awhile since the last time i let anger take over and caused unnecessary destruction. i guess holding it in and being patient is more self-destructive than i ever thought possible.

this afternoon i swatted a fly into smitherens. repeatedly, until there is nothing left of it but a black speck of dust. i did it with such anger and hate, too.

finished ramana maharshi yesterday, and now finished halfway on another book assigned for this week's reading. good thing is, this one has pictures, and not just words. philosophy is boring, and i haven't been in a good mood lately, so might as well amuse myself with some funny pictures i found in the book. =)



sorry, no offense girls, but according to john locke, you in reality is much uglier than you in a guy's perception. guys may imagine you're this one hot chick, all perfect and whatnot, but in reality, you're just a skeleton covered in flesh, muscles, and bloodveins. reality bites, huh? =P

don't flame me. go to his grave and flame locke. i think it should be in england, somewhere.

and this one just looks so wrong.



forgive my dirty little mind, but "DICK AND JANE HAVE FUN?" they could have surely thought of something better than that.

stephen has written the script for chapter 330. the ending brought tears to my eyes: "i've decided that this is where we should part ways with the going meri."