fist clenched

while watching 4 shuttles passed by me today, i realized one thing: that i have not had a grasp of my own reality. the old people said that reality is simply a figment of imagination, and that is somewhat true. after all, cliches and stereotypes did not just come out of nowhere; we couldn't have been THAT creative.

i hate being dependent on other people, and such is the reason why i hate taking shuttles to school. i want to have a control of my own path. where i go, where i end up, where i want to make a u-turn. but in terms of going to school that would have cost me $600 per year, so that's just not worth it. the same is the reason why i would rather drive my friends around rather than have them drive me around. the gas price that i would have to pay is a pain, but at least it feels good to be able to control my own path. such is also the reason why i would prefer doing things on my own, so that if something did go wrong, i would know where i fucked up, and i would know that something went wrong because i fucked up, and not other people.

but one thing that i have not had a grasp of lately is my own reality. i have become dependent on other people in deciding which brane i would enter, which path i would take, which decision i would make, and this is in no way different than giving away my car to my sister and taking the citybus for the rest of my life. i hate it. i hate it more than i hate thermo physics. i hate it more than everyone's hatred for bush combined. it is time to quit this shit.

i will make the call from now on. i decide what i do. i decide what i want to do. no longer will i let anyone else fuck around with my mind.