realization comes late, again

i used to think that i can draw whatever people describe to me. basically all they need is tell me what to draw, and i'll draw it. it's always easier to take order than to think something up yourself, isn't it? but of course, due to the most profoundly obvious law of nature that, ironically, no one has realized: "whatever you wished or hoped, nature will give you the exact opposite of that," no one has ever told me to draw anything, and as a result i have to think of something up myself.

and when people do, they're not being descriptive enough that i end up having to think again on my own.

but then my editor asked me to put a nose on my caricature drawings i had to do for the school newspaper, and i suddenly realized how much that irritated me. consistency, she said, because some of them i gave nose but not the rest. i think that's the wrong place to be consistent. i am consistent in a way that when i draw something, i THINK whether or not this character needs a nose, which style of eyes i should use for what kind of expression i want to create, which type of mouth and eyebrows i should use to express what kind of emotions, which hairstyle, which shape of face, and so forth. i would give a character a nose when i think he deserves one, but when he does not deserve one, he will not have a nose. look at my careless talk costs life strip. i gave indiana jones jr the nose, but not the rest, and that is because i think he looks better with one; it gives him the depth, the rowdiness, and the hobo vibes that none of my other characters have.

besides, the noseless thing is a personal style of mine. i think people look so much cuter without a nose.

but to be honest, i AM too lazy to think. i'm just born with it. call it a curse, i call it talent. why? because human beings THINK subconsciously. it requires EFFORT not to think. and this doesn't have to be about art, or academics. it's about everything.

"hey, you wanna go out to dinner?"

hm, should i? i'm too lazy because then i have to drive, and gas prices has been crazy lately, but then again i AM hungry and she IS pretty cute. but that means i have to spend even more money on food, because i'm sure she won't go for cheap 99cents burger at wendy's; she's too classy. but i guess it's okay because she's cute? or maybe not. she gets annoying after an hour of hanging out with her. let's see if i can figure out a cheap place to eat that's fancy and fast, that way i don't have to talk to her for more than an hour. but where am i gonna look? google? that'll take too much effort. that means i have to go through every single website that google lists, and then i have to READ too. ah, i guess i'll just say no.

but i AM hungry, and i don't have food at home. can i put up with talking to her for more than an hour? but then again, she is cute.

and the thought goes on.

if you are one of the few people who are able to say "yes" or "no" without any thinking at all, then you should give yourself a pat in the back, because you just successfully defied the natural way of life.

some people like to make informed decisions. they research every single bit of something before they go and do something with that something. i want to buy a laptop. should i get a mac or a PC? then you spent hours, maybe even days, or weeks researching and creating a list of pluses and minuses of both OSX and windows, only to find out that in the end, you still can't make up your mind because OSX gets +50 -30 while windows gets +52 -35. windows has +2 more, but it also has -5 more. should i go for the +2 or should i worry about the -5?

wasted, isn't it?

people might think you're an idiot if you flip a coin everytime you're in a dilemma, or roll dice everytime you have more than two options you can pick from. i think you are a genius. when you reach for that coin in your pocket, you are at the highest mental state a human being can achieve: a mental state of utter carelessness and zero worry. in other words, you are mentally and physically prepared to face any consequences you might get from your decision. you are indifferent, you are ready to face anything. and when you are able to do this, there is nothing you cannot conquer.

a general goes to war. he has three options to attack the enemy. a smart general would carefully strategize and simulate every single one and pick the best one. but a smarter general would just pick one randomly and carry it out. the smart general forgot that by picking the best out of the three, he subconsciously abandoned the two other options, and when things didn't go as planned, he would lose the war. the smarter general will pick one randomly, because he is in a mental state where he is prepared for anything that might happen. he does not know what will happen or go wrong, but when something does go wrong, he will be ready for whatever it is. the smarter general does not randomly pick a plan because he's stupid and reckless, but because he is indifferent to all three plans. they all have their pluses and minuses, and they all could go wrong.

most of time, when you claim that you have planned everything out perfectly, you are indirectly claiming that you know ALL of the variables that might affect your plan, and that you are assuming you know perfectly how each of them will behave. well, newsflash:
1. you don't know ALL of them
2. you don't know how they would behave.
you can guess, but there is not 100% certainty on your guesses. and remind yourself that 99% correct is not good enough. that 1% can fuck you up good.

so why deal with probabilities? just be indifferent, make a choice, and be ready with whatever you're going to face. it makes life so much simpler and less worrisome.

or in a nutshell: BE LUFFY.