another milestone

i've made a post with a title "milestone" quite some time ago, i think. and that's why this one is called "another."

teenage years have gone. i'm an adult. i'm 20 years old and counting, getting older by the minute. age is not really a problem for me; childhood and teenage years were great, but i seriously do not mind getting old. someone told me she turned off her cellphone on her 20th birthday because she didn't want people to remind her that she's old. sounds to me like someone is incapable of escaping this superficial world.

growing old and weak don't concern me, really. i don't care if my tendonitis will eventually turn into painful arthritis. what concerns me is the growth of wisdom. physical growth with time is inevitable, those who enjoy it can just wait, and those who don't, really have nothing to do. but mental growth does not really come together with physical growth. and that's what i'm concerned about.

what is the function that describe my mental growth? i hope it's not exponential decay.

i want wisdom. my mom used to tell me that wisdom is the hardest thing to acquire. when i was 5 i thought she's bullshitting, because toys are harder to acquire. when i was 10 i thought she's bullshitting again, because grades are harder to acquire. when i was 15 and hormones came into play i thought she's still bullshitting, because girls are the hardest thing to acquire. now i'm twenty and i thought to myself, shit, my mom was right. i have not acquired any wisdom and i'm 20 already.

i feel like i'm still lacking many things: physical growth, mental growth, intelligence, compassion, patience. how do people put up with me, sometimes i wonder.

enough rambling. it's depressing.

got my 100a and 110a midterms back. i thought i did bad, but they turned out to be okay. so i'm happy.