conveniently made to forget

i re-read the entire 18 volumes of monster today because i was procrastinating going to shower. the short bit with martin was still the greatest bit of the series, and that is why he's my second favorite character in monster. grimmer still takes the top spot. though, i couldn't help but wonder why my favorite characters tend to die in the story.

eva's conversation with dr. reichwein in chapter 161 is still by far my most favorite.

"people are strange things... sadness fades away with time, and only the enjoyable memories remain. we're built so conveniently, aren't we?"
"that's how we survive."

currently on break from inking page 3 of the gintama comics, and holy hell don't i need an assistant. i need someone who can draw backgrounds and not complain about drawing them. surely i can do them myself, but the process tends to be profane, and at this moment i'm making good use of the punching bag that my sister's friend got her for christmas.

i wonder, too. why would anyone give my sister a punching bag? has she been beating up boys?

recently i notice that when i make plans to go out with people, there is this slight, late hesitation after the plan's been set, and the first thing that always comes to mind is "maybe i should just stay home." this usually strikes me after the plan's been set, and i don't like flaking out, so i usually proceed with the going out. strange thing is, after i come back home, i'll always feel happy and glad that i end up not canceling the plan. it's like i'm conveniently made to enjoy whatever situation i end up getting involved in. i just noticed this recently, but i realized that it has always been this. does this mean i'm getting more and more anti-social? or am i just the kind of person who doesn't usually get excited over an upcoming plan or event?

you tell me.