i flipped a coin and it landed on its side

it is a personal belief of mine that whenever one is faced with a dilemma, he should grab the nearest coin, flip it, and let nature decide which of the two lemmas (HAHA) he should go with. consequences are not supposed to be something one should worry about because consequences happen in the future, and after four years of physics, i think i am safe to believe that the future is probabilistic. no matter how much time you spend in planning out your life so that you can avoid making decisions that will lead to a bad consequence, there's no certainty that you will end up with a good one. for every 99.9% of certainty that you've made the decision that will lead to a beneficial consequence, there is a 0.1% of uncertainty that might just completely screw you over. the reverse is true: for every 99.9% certainty that something bad is about to happen to you, there is a 0.1% uncertainty that might just save the day.

every decision i've made in the past twenty-two years of my life had been made by a coin. every decision that the coin had made, strangely enough, had landed me on some sort of comfort zone that i am very grateful for. i guess if a man does not stray from the path that nature prepares for him, things will work out one way or the other. this is a path of comfort that everyone follows. it might not be a path that maximizes happiness or minimizes suffering, but it's a path that always gives a zero at the end of the day. for every +1 of joy you get, there is a -1 of pain, and vice versa. it's a very stable path, but it's also a boring path.

during my years in college, i've always wondered whether it is better to live a life +1/-1 kind of life, or to live a +5/-5 kind of life. the latter would be a sort of a rollercoaster ride. you live a life that is filled with lots of joy and pleasure, but also lots of deep shit that you have to deal with. and i mean, REAL deep shit. i've always wanted to try to live this +5/-5 life, but i've never had the guts to. i'm always afraid that once i stray off nature's path, i'll never be able to go back to my comfort zone. the path that nature provides for you has plenty of inertia; you have to exert a huge external force in order to change your trajectory, and this is not easy.

but my mind's made up. i do not wish to spend the rest of my life in my current comfort zone. at this moment, i can see another zone that requires a bit of patching up, but a potential comfort zone nonetheless, and i intend to reside in that zone instead. last week, i started exerting some external force to alter my trajectory toward that new zone, albeit in small increments, and i plan on continuing to do so. i do not think a huge, sudden force would be a good idea because if there's anything i learned from thermodynamics, it's that adiabatic system has no heat flow, and for this case, i certainly want to avoid any kinds of heat flow. in, or out.

wish me luck.