Monday, February 28, 2005

stress relieving

this is what i've done to my desktop during stressful moments.

give in to the dark side

david gave in.

look at this bitch sitting next to me, playing KotOR2 on his laptop. he lied to his PI about having a lab report to write up so he can ditch work (read: volunteer) and play KotOR.

feel the lure of the dark side...


i'd like to point this out, but i don't think it deserves its own post.

somehow, capital letters just annoy the heck outta me. especially if it's used at the beginning of every sentence, and when one addresses oneself with the capital letter i. and what irritates me even more is when someone writes with proper capitalization using the default 12-point times new roman. can a font be any worse than times new roman?

i say proper capitalization should be banished. periods and comma are enough to make a sentence clear; capital letters at the beginning of a sentence just amplifies the non-uniformity of the letters. it's like a bright red house in the middle of a complex filled with gray painted houses.

o teh bishiness

i've always dreamt to be that one guy who goes around whacking people's ass with an umbrella.

and dreams do come true.

Sunday, February 27, 2005

sing a song

deleted 4 songs off the radio blog, and added 4 new ones.

yuuri chika - dance another hula
moriyama naotaro - sakura
jason mraz - hey love
groove coverage - poison
bread - aubrey
o-zone - dragostela din tei


for science!

someone told me once that science majors have a healthy appetite for destruction. surely, but that's only because destruction always ensues curiousity. cats beware.

kicking ass in the morning, taking names in the evening

so i finished knights of the old republic, light side, using a jedi consular. total playing hour: 29hr 43mins.

haven't showered since friday morning. that's how much dedication i had in playing KotOR. haven't had much food either. two bean burritos were enough to sustain an entire day of playing, apparently. i think i should go look for ramen after i finish the post.

so here's some review. my faith was repaid. everything does tie together at the very end, which is nice. however, if you think KotOR1 had the most amazing storyline, you might NOT like this one. i guess you can think of KotOR1 and KotOR2 like the matrix and the matrix: reloaded, respectively. no, it doesn't have the idiot architect in there, but KotOR2 seems to be more philosophical than the first one. it's not the usual saving-the-world-from-the-sith kinda thing anymore; it's more of a what-is-the-force kinda thing.

philosophically, it's a rather interesting light-side ending, because all the jedi masters died and all the sith lords died, but were redeemed beforehand. and the whole entire long talk with kreia before she died was rather interesting. apparently mira and the character were supposed to be together, not the character and the handmaiden. it was rather surprising when visas marr said that she loves me and doesn't want me to go confront her master because he will kill me, but apparently what visas' meant was more of a love from an apprentice to her master. and it's somewhat funny because i managed to kill her master in one flurry strike. sorry dude, but you've got to be smart like malak to hurt me. smart as in using your force breach, force immunity, and your other darkside power.

since in the first KotOR you're practically dead if you don't use your forces correctly, i planned out everything precisely, which forces to pick, which forces to ignore, and i set my prorities straight, but apparently that didn't matter much because all i ever needed to get through the whole game was three: valor, armor, speed. apparently after meeting master vandar, he gave you the power called force enlightenment, which activates all three at once with lesser FP cost. from there on, it's not hard to kill people with one flurry and escape a fight with eight sith assassins with full HP. it seems to me that i have made the wisdom modifier too high, as i have +4 wisdom from the attributes itself, modified by the circlet of saresh, some crystals in my lightsaber, and the jedi robe; with all these, there is no one in the world i couldn't paralyze with stasis field.

speaking of stasis field, here's a caption of a scene that i thought was pretty funny. i call it "line 'em up and they're ready for processing."

the trayus academy at the end was sorta like starforge revisited, with stasis field ACTUALLY working. so it's always been the same procedure. activate force enlightenment, stasis field, master flurry, die, master flurry, die, master flurry, die, master flurry, die, and so on. with force enlightenment and stasis field, 95% of the time you get to kill even sith marauders with one master flurry. if they were sith lords instead, it'll take two master flurrys, but that's about it. this is, of course, after my lightsabers are upgraded to have 24-57 damage (right), and 19-47 damage (left). and both with +34 and +37 attack modifier, respectively. master flurry gives you three attacks per turn, but with master force speed (activated by enlightenment) you get 5 attacks per turn and you're on a killing spree for the next 60 seconds.

wanderer-zero from #ap was right. character development sucks. i thought i'd get some romance sideplot with either mira or brianna the handmaiden or visas marr, but apparently not. you talk to them a couple times and that's the most you can go. KotOR1 definitely has the better character development. there were some rather obvious sexual jokes, which were rather surprising ("talk to her, but don't get too close, and don't mate with her," replied with "don't worry, i'm not gonna go to her and ask if i can charge up her loading ramp.")

the dancer outfit was definitely a plus, though; it satisfies the restrained horniness of the sad geeks like me who play this game. and mira looks hella hot in it. maybe i will take a caption of her in it.

it's good to see bastila and carth again, though. apparently revan had gone some place far and left the two behind. that's almost like luke skywalker leaving han solo and leia together. the only difference is that bastila's mine, not carth.

i read through the ending credit, and noticed that KELLY HU was the VA for visas marr. interesting, no wonder visas sounds sexy. then grey delisle, who's apparently a singer, was the VA for the handmaiden.

Saturday, February 26, 2005

by mraz

this one paragraph from mraz's journal cracked me up. it's an entry on valentine's day, for the loners:

"Take yourself to the movies. Do something alone. Cherish the solitude and all the popcorn you can eat. Or go to dinner alone and then leave a note for the waiter/waitress. Let them know that someone is thinking of them this Valentine’s Day and that you’ll wait by their car when they get off work. This might creep them out but it’ll be your pleasure since you’ll be home asleep long before they have to be escorted to their car later that night in fear of you."

that's it. i'm doing that next valentine.


you know you can't handle it anymore when you were playing knights of the old republic, and the next thing you know is that two hours have passed and you've not progressed because you fell asleep, sitting straight on your chair.

apparently waking up 8 in the morning, going to classes, taking a midterm, spending the entire day in the computer lab finishing up dubin's homework, then going home at 6 in the evening and playing KotOR until 6 in the morning is too much for me. so i decided to nap on the bed, only to not wake up until 12.30.

i love this kind of life. no studying involved.

so i've progressed a little farther, and i've unlocked 9 out of the 10 possible characters. i have 3 droids: the annoying HK-47, G0-T0 and T3-M4; a technician: bao-dur; an annoying old hag: kreia; a pilot: atton; and 3 hot chicks: mira, visas, and the handmaiden. mira is by far the hottest character so far. with her red hair and bitchy attitude, a man could not ask for more.

sadly, the romance so far turns out like any old chinese kung-fu movies: three girls fighting for one guy. the only difference is that one is in denial (the handmaiden), one is emotionless (visas), and the other one has too much attitude (mira). i swear, mira reminds me of kristin. i think i'd have to take away the official bitch card from kristin and give it to mira.

the storyline's getting better, but unlike its predecessor, you don't get to find out more as you level up; sometimes you'll have to wait as long as 4-5 level ups before other characters tell you more about themselves, or about yourself. so far it seems like the handmaiden will be the one romance candidate, but i'd like to see romance with mira instead. or visas.

another thing i notice is the different leveling up. in KotOR1, you get to pick whether you want to be a soldier, a scout, or a scoundrel, and each has their own advantage (always pick soldier. screw slicing computers, you've got T3-M4 to do that). this levels up to 12, and then you become a jedi and you can pick guardian, sentinel, or consular, which levels up another 8. that makes your character have 20 levels to level up. here, in KotOR2, apparently you started out being a jedi. so you get to pick whether you want to be a jedi guardian, sentinel, or consular at the beginning. then, after you reach level 14, you can pick your path: jedi weaponmaster, jedi watcher, or jedi master. the latter sounds cooler so i picked it. right now my character is a level 14 jedi guardian, level 2 jedi master. i hope it doesn't stop at level 8 master, because then i'd max out my character long before the end.

the thing with being a jedi consular that i've noticed, is that you get to play around with so many different forces. and damn all these are quite useful. the problem is there isn't enough time to activate all of them in a battle. the ones i like to use during a battle is BATTLE MEDITATION, SPEED, ARMOR, INSPIRE FOLLOWERS. but usually by the time i activated the last one, all the enemies are dead, killed by the other party members. so that's rather pointless.

maybe next time i'll pick guardian, or weaponmaster.

i've finished main quests in telos, and i just finished nar shadaa last night. currently i'm on korriban, looking forward to kicking some sith ass. total playing hour: 19h19m.

okay, almost 2pm. time to play again.

eDIT: oh DAMN, past 20,000 hits already?

Friday, February 25, 2005

show me all the beauty there is to see

when the light from the moon
shines upon a shimmering sea
and the stars high above
beacons to me

when the rain gently falls
i can hear you whisper my name
then i know in my heart
that you will return

so dance another hula for me
show me all the beauty there is to see
you alone can capture my heart
so dance another hula for me

when the clouds in the sky
cast a shadow on the beaches below
and the birds start to sing
a haunting refrain

when the trees dance in time
to the rhythm of the rolling surf
then i know in my heart
that you will return

so dance another hula for me
show me all the beauty there is to see
you alone can capture my heart
so dance another hula for me

you alone can capture my heart
so dance another hula...
dance another hula...
for me

Thursday, February 24, 2005

finished i have not, judging i can not

greg asked how's KotOR2 so far, so i thought i'd blog the review instead of posting it as a comment.

similarity to the first KotOR is obvious, as you have five or six planets you have to travel to look for shit. only this time it's not starmaps. in the first KotOR you travel to find starmaps to hunt down malak. this time you travel to find clues about your forgotten past. the annoying part is that everyone else seems to know what happened in the past, but no one is willing to tell you jack.

graphic is great, like always (using 128MB GeForce4Ti4400). movements are smooth using my computer's supertweaked setting (default setting it lags because we all know pentium decrease its frequency as it heats up to prevent the chip from melting, unlike AMDs). and fighting movements have more variety. they at least have three different movements for each attack.

some new features include different force forms, which usage i have yet to figure out since i've only unlocked one (shii-cho form, or determination). apparently the description says that this is useful when fighting a large number of enemies, but i have yet to see any difference. this might be one of those that gives modifier to your offense or defense, but i'm not sure. maybe later i'll find out. another thing that i've unlocked is force channel, which usage i have also yet to figure out. this one seems to deal more with force and not physical, though.

about storyline, there's quite a lot to say and not enough time. in summary, so far it seems okay. the storyline is a bit confusing, as they tell you shitloads of stuff (that you're exiled, that you served under revan, that you fought some war, and a bunch of other shit) but never told you why. there are twelve people (or beings) that can join your crew, instead of nine in the first KotOR, and like the first one, you can use up to three in your party. however, the other members are not as prominent as in the first one. so far it seems like these are just random characters pulled out of the scriptwriter's ass; they have no relevancy to the storyline, sorta like juhani in the first KotOR. but it might all tie up in the end, we'll see.

what i've found out so far is that the character is exiled, and knows more than what you know. you see dialogue options like "i did not march with revan because i chose to," that brings up questions like "what march?" "when?" "why did he have to march?" "what the hell?"

apparently, the character was involved in this thing called the malachor war (might be something else, i wasn't really paying attention), and apparently something really terrible happened such that the survivors refuse to bring up any talk about it. and the stupid part is that YOUR CHARACTER KNOWS what happened, but YOU DON'T. so if i were to complain about this game, it would be about the fact that you're not in a full control of yourself. in the first one, even though everyone in the free world knows that you are the dark lord himself, at least your character was as clueless as you, hence the awesome, unexpected twist. here, you get surprises constantly, but mostly surprised because your character knows more than what YOU know.

as for the villains, i'm utterly confused at the moment. there's this ugly punk with scars all over his body that cuts off kreia's left hand, and you'd think he'd be the dark lord, but then they showed this one guy in a mask that looks even scarier than the ugly punk. this guy:

he has a disciple, a female disciple, who wears a hood so that you can only see her nose and mouth. and oh, he speaks static. worse than darth vader who speaks breathing.

that's all i've found out so far. i'll update again as i progress further.

oh, and i'm still stuck with fucking vibroswords. apparently lightsabers are not as abundant as they were in the first KoTOR.

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

wallpaper section updated

yes, i've paid my debt. now that my computer is back to work scanning is as usual. i'm releasing the february 24th wallpaper 24 minutes early. enjoy.

KotOR twO

i shall apologize in advance because i won't be blogging as often for the next couple of days, at least until i finished the game.

i would also like to apologize in advance if i'm rather disoriented for the next couple of days, that would be because i'm sacrificing my sleeping time to play the game.

thanks to charles for the copy of KotOR2. i owe you one, man. just one. and if my grade goes down, i'm blaming you, too, biatch.

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

i am HOPE

yes, biatches.

hope- with you are the dreams of the trust that is given by those you are with.

e1n got a haircut

the weather doesn't like my long hair. you know your hair is too long if you can inhale or lick your bangs.

so here, a fresh cut for the coming spring time.

Monday, February 21, 2005

nature hates me

and the recent awful weather with non-stop pouring rain is not helping either.

yes, that actually happened.


my computer is now alive. $160 did the trick. apparently it was the ramsticks that were busted due to memory overclocking failure.

will be scanning wallpaper tonight, after i'm done with my complex analysis homework. i thought since we have monday off we won't have homework, but apparently the professor thought otherwise. bitch.

i haven't been using this computer for a whole month. the keyboard feels weird now.

also, transfer limit is down to 476mb this afternoon. soon it will be depleted, meaning no more downloading avis and mp3s until the 25th.

Sunday, February 20, 2005

nadia, you bitch

i know you might not even bother browsing through this blog, but i gave you the link once, so this is worth a shot:

what the hell? don't pull a robin on us, this isn't water seven.

we've been mods for a while, we've been friends, we've talked shit about people, and now you just decided to bail out? what the fuck? that message you left to egx is bullshit. that's just excuses. there has got to be something more. check your fucking email and reply to egx, dammit.

just so you know, because you didn't bother to hear our reply after your goodbye letter, none of us cares if you faked your name or not. AP is an online forum, everyone can fake their names and no one would even give a rat's ass about it. but you to all of us is more than just your name. you've been a friend, you've been a part of the crew, you've become close to us without even you realizing it. THERE IS NO REASON FOR YOU TO LEAVE. we will accept you back regardless.

again, the name you gave to us is just a name, we don't give a crap about that. and no matter how much you fake things, there's not much you can fake when you chat on irc or msn. we accept you as a friend for who you are, not for your name.

please come back. if there's anything wrong, let us know. you're a part of the crew, we can't just let you go.

tash hasn't heard about this yet. she's gone all weekend, but she ain't gonna be taking this too well.

come back. we miss you.

and DAMMIT, i still owe you your zoro drawing. fuck. can't you leave AFTER i give you what i've promised to give? you always pick the worst timing ever. come back, and i'll give you your zoro drawing.

Saturday, February 19, 2005

what would you do?

you've been spending lots of time in an online forum, getting to know people in there, getting close to people in the forum, and then after over half a year of knowing those people, one who is rather close to you left your friend a message to pass on to you:

"hey, i'm never gonna show up again... are you sad? hope not. hehe... don't be sad okay, because then i'm gonna be sad... alright... i'm tired... by the way, you were having fun when i was around, weren't you? if you weren't then i'm gonna go with regrets... hehe. alright... bye."

if you get a message like this, what would you do?

why the brits are funny

manchester united beat everton 2-0 and proceeded in the FA cup. but here's what's funny, quoted from

"And, with United leading 2-0 in the 70th minute of the fifth round tie, Northern Ireland keeper Carroll was struck by a missile hurled out of the crowd behind his goal.

Carroll collapsed to the turf and it took a couple of minutes of treatment to get him back into action.

A coin and a mobile phone were retrieved from the pitch and handed to police by the fourth official.

A Football Association spokesman, responding to the Carroll incident, said: 'The FA will be liaising with the club and police to ascertain what happened and whether or not any individual can be identified.'"

how heavy could a coin be? this article made me wonder if the brits made their coins with lead. after all, a coin has got to be one helluva powerful coin if it were to strike down a massive soccer athlete like roy carroll.

oh, maybe it was the mobile phone that hit him. that'll explain why it hurts. sure, but for goodness sakes, it's a MOBILE PHONE. why do the police have to bother identifying an individual when they can simply ask the cellphone company about the owner of the sim card. or if that's supposed to be classified, they can use the cellphone to call one of the people in the address book and ask "hey, whose cellphone is this? i found it on the ground and i want to return it." i'm sure they'll cooperate.

what's that you said? they took out the sim card? oh well, then that's a problem, but that still doesn't refute my argument that the brits are either stupid or just not smart enough to think. WHO THE HELL WOULD TOSS A FREAKIN CELLPHONE? if i were angry i'd go find a rock, or a beer glass (surely the brits have got lots of those), or whatever the hell has less value than a cellphone. like the annoying drunk standing next to you in the stadium. or his annoying little kid who kept pointing at a player and asked "who's tha'?"

unless, of course, cellphones in england are as cheap as a stack of walmart printer paper. but then again, considering they charge 10pounds for a small ham sandwich, i doubt it.

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

ash wednesday

that was last week, but this week certainly feels like it's turning me into ashes.

a certain jackass (yes, that would be you, david) once told me that things will only get worse. i used to just nod, ignoring what he said, but apparently he was right. accursed you, david, accursed!

demo prep for the friday lecture seems to be running smoothly. i'm starting to get the hang of what i'm doing. now i only need to create a scheme of what should be done when and how. basically the lecture plan. but then again i know that the work cycle is never plan--start--finish, but wait--wait--plan. yes, i'm still a procrastinator at heart, regardless of the fact that i got shit due this friday.

nature proved me wrong twice today. i thought i'm done with all the midterms and can now focus on procrastinating until finals come, but apparently nature doesn't like that. i called kristin this afternoon and she told me that we're having another complex analysis midterm next friday. hold on, i remember the professor said that we're gonna have only one midterm... oh wait, nevermind, he never even mentioned anything about there being a midterm. i guess life is full of surprises when you have your college provost as your teacher. so busy week again next week.

as if that wasn't enough, nature decided to whack me in the face for the second time. i used to always brush off the notion that people kept telling me: "once you go mac, you can't go back." but now that i've had the ibookg4 for two days, i actually like it. i still think the touchpad sucks, but all laptop's touchpad sucks. and osX isn't really that bad, once you get used to it. i'm blogging from the ibook now. maybe i will get a mac for a laptop. that way i get both pc and mac. pc for the desktop and mac for the laptop. the only problem now is the money. anyone?

speaking of money, i got an email while waiting in line to watch the advance screening of constantine. apparently the airport in the ibook still picked up wireless signal from the lecture halls even though i was nowhere near one. the email was from university of minnesota, letting me know that they're accepting me to their summer REU program. transportation cost to and from are covered, lodging and meals expenses are covered, and i get a stipend of $3,500. now i'm contemplating whether i should go or stay in sandiego over the summer. if i stay i might get to do some sort of theoretical project together with dank, but i won't get paid. i'll have to TA to earn myself some money. but if i go... i'll make $3,500 in ten weeks. that's pretty sweet.

uh-oh. i feel the lure of the dark side.

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

iBook G4

yes, i now possess one.

at least until friday.

this is why the physics department in UCSD is so awesome. since i will be lecturing on friday, and i will need to do some demonstration, they let me borrow an iBook G4 that's fully equipped with the loggerpro and the motion sensor so i can test things out at my own time. of course i had to sign my soul to jeff, the demo coordinator, but at least now i have a computer in my hand. mwahahaha

the only thing i don't like is the touchpad. thank goodness for usb mice.

i want to hurt you just to hear you screaming my name

your cruel device
your blood like ice
one look could kill
my pain, your thrill

i want to love you but i better not touch
i want to hold you but my senses tell me to stop
i want to kiss you but i want it too much
i want to taste you but your lips are venomous poison

your poison runnin' through my veins
your poison...
i don't want to break these chains

your mouth so hot
your web, i'm caught
yyour skin so wet
black lace, on sweat

i hear you calling and it's needles and pins
i want to hurt you just to hear you screaming my name
don't want to touch you but you're under my skin
i want to kiss you but your lips are venomous poison

your poison runnin' through my veins
your poison...
i don't want to break these chains

one look could kill
my pain, your thrill

i want to love you but i better not touch
i want to hold you but my senses tell me to stop
i want to kiss you but i want it too much
i want to taste you but your lips are venomous poison

Monday, February 14, 2005

today's a bloody day, did you know?

well, let me tell you if you didn't. aside from all the chocolate and flower-hype that's going on for the whole entire day, valentine's day is actually a bloody day, created to commemmorate the death of our dear st. valentine's.

apparently a king in england who needs more men for his troops figured out a good way to get men to join the army: outlawing marriage. st. valentine, however, kept giving marital ceremony and such, and thus he was detained and executed. st. valentine was a compassionate man. not only that, he also adopted orphans and raised them in his house. no, he's not a pedophile, he's just one hell of a compassionate man. and no, michael jackson is not in any way related to him. on his execution day, the king also ordered the massacre of the kids that he had adopted. i guess the order went something along the lines of "let this be a lesson for all of you who dare to oppose my order."

the date of the slaughter and execution? february 14th. the trademarked color red doesn't come from the color of the heart. it's blood red. feeling a little tainted? you should.

as for myself, i'm still alone, but i refuse to get together with my fellow physicists for a THANK-GOODNESS-IM-SINGLE party. they called it TGIS, which lead me to think that it stands for THANK-GOODNESS-IT-SUCKS. either way, not a good theme for a party.

computer is still dead, and this week it seems like i won't have time to look at it either, as i have to prepare for my lecture and demonstration on friday. ugh. crunch time. this vernier equipment better work. i guess this will be another week of sleep deprivation. not to mention the 105b homework.

so i signed up for next quarter (which i have almost forgotten, thanks john).

physics 130a: quantum mechanics
physics 120a: electronics lab
physics 154: elementary particle physics
physics 100c: electromagnetism: electromagnetic waves
mathematics 120b: applied complex analysis
music 95g: gospel choir

just kidding. i didn't sign up for all of them. i don't want to die, yet. i signed up for all but physics 100c. i think i'm just gonna sit in that one. e&m has been interesting so far, but 100c is where the meat is. so i thought it'd be fun to just sit there and listen to lecture... cross that. sit there and nap. and gospel choir i decided to take because i like to sing, and hopefully this class would get me through another stressful quarter.

some people have been asking me, why i haven't gotten a girlfriend yet. well, to tell you the truth, i don't know. it seems like with all the work i have to do it would be a crime to have a girlfriend. not to the work, but to the girl. i don't think i'd be able to spend enough (nor have) time with her. but then again, that might just very well be an excuse for my laziness to go out and hunt one. and i'm not as lucky as david, who happens to live in a bio lab (and we all know bio labs have women in it). I LIVE IN A PHYSICS LAB: UNLESS I'M GAY, I'M NOT GETTING ANY.

also, it might be that i have yet to get over my ex. her visit for two days had proven to be have a tremendous effect i was unprepared for. i thought the love had died, but apparently it was just in there somewhere, hiding. as of now it doesn't seem like things will be going anywhere, but i'll be lying if i were to say that i don't love her anymore.

i once made a post about human beings not being able to carry out an unconditional love, since such a love is divine, and hence should only be left to divine beings to do. i still think so. but i take back the part where i said that no mortals should even attempt. we should all attempt to achieve such a love. unconditional love is by far the highest form of love. even higher than that shitty platonic love.

spread the love, my friends, not the violence.

happy valentine's day to everyone.

Sunday, February 13, 2005

one piece ice sculpture

another one on why i think japan rocks

Saturday, February 12, 2005

a different perspective

been having some inspirations lately, especially after that one girl bathed in perfume passed by this morning.

Friday, February 11, 2005


paintshop pro has got to be the hardest image editing program to use. wonder what kind of idiots work there?

computer is still dead, maybe i'll go check it after my midterm on monday, but as of now sam is out with his girlfriend so his laptop is mine. mine mine mine.

david got a girlfriend. quite amazing, considering that he never leaves his lab. but then later (a couple seconds later) i found out that they work in the same lab. wow. i guess never leaving the lab finally pays off.

so here's one for you, david:

Monday, February 07, 2005

if every day was as good as today, i couldn't wait until tomorrow come

if. big keyword.

too bad that's not what the reality is like.

things look bleak lately. nothing, i repeat, nothing has been going right. even CPK didn't have carne asada pizza when i was really craving for carne asada and pizza at the same time.

i guess this is the downpoint. the downest one could ever experience. being on the sixth floor of a building late at night when you're down is rather scary, sometimes. it's almost as if you can completely understand the thoughts running through the minds of those who committed suicide by letting gravity and the pavement do the job.

midterm grades came out to be fine, so i guess i have to be thankful for that, but the darkness is so overwhelming that even bright lights seem to be fading away instantaneously. even when the sun is out the entire day, it seems like everything around you is gloomy. things aren't looking so luminous anymore.

i miss a smile. i miss looking at someone's face and realizing that there is happiness. usually it is comforting to see a smile on someone's face, because then i take comfort in the fact that even though things aren't going too well, there is a glimmer of hope for happiness. but lately, even the prettiest smile cannot bring out that glimmer of hope. the negative energy has clouded my mind.

i've lost count of how many times i've sighed today. **sighs**

Sunday, February 06, 2005

graduate students pick-up line

from these cracked me up so hard i just had to post them:

"your eyes are like my references... i get lost just looking at them."

"are you in my thesis committee? cause i'll do anything you tell me to."

"let 'u' and 'i' be irrational integers such that a real non-monotonic relationship exists for all t = 0, 1, 2,..., infinity."

"baby, you make wanna graduate."

Friday, February 04, 2005


sam's little brother is amazing. he managed to screw sam over and over and stayed alive.

one time he faked sam's death. it's funny to see how many people would call to his cellphone asking him if he really died in a car accident.

so a couple of days ago i got home in the afternoon and checked the mailbox. i found this one postcard for sam (his registered name is sing lam, we call him sam) from playboy magazine, offering a subscription for 12 issues for only $10, INCLUDING free DVD of nude co-eds.

sam wasn't home at that time, so i left the postcard on my desk because i needed to go back to school. the plan was to make fun of him later on that night. turned out that i had to stay longer than i thought at school and didn't get back until 2am. by that time, sam had already gone to bed. as i walked in to my room, i found the postcard still sitting on my desk, only now accompanied by a note.

wonder what his brother is up to now?

home is where the heart is

not this week.

if you ever wonder how it feels like to be in a physics lab from monday to friday, from 7am to 1am, go home for a 5-hour nap, and come back the next day to do the same thing again, AND STILL NOT GET ANY OF THE ASSIGNMENT DONE BECAUSE THEY ARE JUST FUCKING RIDICULOUSLY HARD,

don't even try. it'll hurt. it'll hurt you for eternity.

but somehow i get the feeling that this will be what the rest of my life look like.

here's my WTF list of the week:

WKB analysis method
galerkin method
complex analysis
vector potential of a spiraling current

"i believe the probability of a miracle, though infinitesimally small, is NOT EXACTLY ZERO" is the quote that i kept telling my mind to prevent it from going crazy.